you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
