So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
soo... how was my night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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