I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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