All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
