I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
