i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
3pm strippers are depressing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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