just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
