I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Randomize
