strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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