Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
