i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
