Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
