I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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