Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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