What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
