I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
