i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This is the high leading the old right now
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
