All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
