Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
