shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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