you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Randomize
