he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
