I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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