so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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