I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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