While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
