I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Alive.
So much puke
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
