I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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