i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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