They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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