Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
