I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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