Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish you could order shots online.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Randomize
