plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
