just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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