it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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