I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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