oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
