he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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