I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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