Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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