I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dicks are not precious.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
