I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i believe in u and ur pee
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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