Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
