why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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