yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
