you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
