What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
