Tell her she can't have a vagina
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
