new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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