You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
