Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
