So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
